I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
