remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
