it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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