i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
