saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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