We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
