Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I did not marry a roomba.
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