from now on my penis is your penis
You can't special order awesome
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
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