He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
