I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
