He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
