Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
