i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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