That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
