he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
