He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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