Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
