don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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