Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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