I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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