i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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