Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
