My first STD was from a foam party
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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