my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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