if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
