i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
