I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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