My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
