did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Drunk is not a location!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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