Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
