he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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