Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
