Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
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im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
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