Please, let me fuck your mom
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
