Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize