Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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