Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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