Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
she peed on how many people?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
