Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
he thought i was a dude.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
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Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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