apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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