you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
