My Higher Power is John Stamos
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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