it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I've blown a few things in my day
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
