Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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