I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
