1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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