Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
