Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
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Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
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I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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