It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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