You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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