Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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