I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
