A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
