are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
