Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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