If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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