Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
splinters make it hard to masturbate
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize