How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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