We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
