Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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