marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
She said her name was "party"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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