Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize