how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
