Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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